I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
sarcasm needs its own font
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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