what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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