I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
