Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
