i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
