I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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