he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
whose parrot is this?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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