I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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