what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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