Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
