Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
