You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
