oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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