We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
