it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
