ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
