Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
