im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
