You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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