OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
