He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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