so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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