tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This house was built for laser tag.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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