So drunk its hurt
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
