oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
