i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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