; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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