Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
