Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
