well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
