mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
