I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
