Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
