He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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