Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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