I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
