Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
