he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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