I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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