when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
