Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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