Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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