my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
