would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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