if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
