he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
