Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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