New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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