Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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