MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
