We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
