didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
