She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
